


Detour to love

by yukitsubute



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukitsubute/pseuds/yukitsubute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aiba and Sho are the perfect couple… just that they aren’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Detour to love

Aiba came home late at night. He had some shootings, which took him longer than expected. He breathed in deeply when he walked into the room. The well-known scent was spread in every corner of the rooms. Aiba loved it – it was his and Sho’s scent. It was the sign that they were living here.

But for weeks Aiba didn’t feel comfortable when he smelled it. It was more a cold shiver running down his spine. He loved Sho, but the everyday life had caught up with them. He didn’t enjoy evenings with the other one anymore. He hated it how Sho acted with him from time to time. Aiba stopped moving. The thoughts he had right now scared him. Was he really hating it when Sho was close to him? It was a sudden thought, and he didn’t think about it before, but in this moment it came to his mind.

He walked up to the living room where the other one was sitting. Aiba’s stomach twitched painfully when he looked at the other. Sho was sitting on the couch, smiling at him. He hated it. He didn’t want to see this smile anymore. It was annoying to him. At the beginning he could have seen the curls around Sho’s lips every second a day, but this changed.

“How was your day?” Sho’s voice was warm and friendly. Aiba hated it.

“Good.” He just answered before he walked up to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He wasn’t in the mood to talk with the other. He just wanted to be alone right now. He didn’t know if Sho already knew that something was off. And actually Aiba had no idea if really something was off. He was confused because of all the mixed feelings in him. He loved Sho, there was no doubt about it, but he couldn’t see him right now. He had the feeling that he had to break out from his current position.

Aiba sighed. He turned on the water and splashed some over his face. He wanted to feel refreshed, but he knew that wouldn’t change something. He took off his clothes before he stepped into the bathtub and closed his eyes. He wanted to relax after a long day when the door got open.

He heard a voice in his mind screaming when Sho walked into the room. Aiba didn’t look at him. He let his eyes close and just concentrated on his own slow breath. Something in him was twitching painfully and his heart beat rose up. He wanted Sho to go away, he didn’t want him to touch him at all, but he knew Sho would exactly do this, because he had no idea that something was off.

Aiba could hear Sho stepping closer till he sat on the border of the tub. “Are you tired?” He asked. Aiba hated it. He knew Sho wanted to be friendly, he wanted to show his interest and he wanted to know what was going on in Aiba’s life and mind, but Aiba didn’t want to answer. And he really wasn’t interested in what Sho did on this day. He just didn’t care about it.

“Mhm.” Aiba just answered.

“I was thinking of taking some days off. Maybe we could take a short trip together?” Sho suggested. It was exactly what Aiba wanted to prevent. He didn’t want to spend more time with the other one.

Aiba still let his eyes closed. “I don’t know, I am really busy during the next few days.”

“Sure. Just think about it, okay?” The other one let his hand slip into the warm water and took out the sponge. “Sit up, I will wash your back, you really need a massage, you look so stressed.” Sho smiled.

Aiba opened his eyes and looked directly into the other’s. He couldn’t say no in this moment. Sho’s eyes were sparkling. The love in it was clearly visible. Aiba swallowed the knot in his throat. “Sure.” He finally said and sat up.

He could feel Sho’s hand brushing up and down his back, his fingers gliding over his skin carefully. Goose bumps appeared on Aiba’s skin. He was confused. It felt good, really good, but something in him wanted to push Sho away.

“Your body is tensed, Masaki.” Sho said after a while of silence. He kissed Aiba’s neck and massaged him here and there. Aiba felt every muscle in him clenching. He shivered when Sho’s breath tickled on his skin and he didn’t want him to touch him anymore.

“I think I will go to bed now.” Aiba stepped out of the tub, drying his body just a bit before he almost jumped into his clothes and headed to the sleeping room. He didn’t look back at the other one. He was sure Sho’s eyes were sad and he had his gaze lowered, but Aiba couldn’t explain his feelings in this moment. His heart was hammering against his chest when he lay down and coiled up there.

He stared at the wall and ignored the moment Sho came into the room. “I know you aren’t sleeping. What happened, Masaki?” Aiba froze. He didn’t dare to move a single millimetre. What should he say? He didn’t know it.

Sho sighed. Aiba knew the tone in his voice. Sho was slowly giving up on them, and he couldn’t be mad about it, because actually it was all his fault. He was the one ignoring Sho and he was the one who kept silent about the problems he had. Aiba frowned when the other was slowly brushing through his hair. “Please, talk to me.” Sho whispered.

Aiba could feel some tears running down his cheeks. He turned around to face Sho, but he couldn’t say something to him. “Let me sleep please.” He finally answered and waited till he saw Sho slowly nodding at him. He could see that Sho actually had hundreds of questions, but he respected Aiba’s wish.

Aiba closed his eyes. His thoughts were spinning around like madly. He was torn. He loved Sho and when he saw his sad eyes he wanted to give in again, to forget about the problems in him. After lying awake for hours he finally fell into a restless sleep.

Aiba woke up, panting heavily. Sweat was dropping down his forehead. He turned around to see the place next to him was empty. He walked around in the apartment, but Sho wasn’t there.

4am – Aiba had no idea where the other one could be at this time. Maybe he went out to drink something, or he was at someone else’s place to give Aiba some room right now. He knew Sho was patient and he wouldn’t run away without talking to him first.

Fear overcame Aiba. What if Sho ran away because he was sick of Aiba’s behaviour? Maybe he wouldn’t return anymore to clear things up. Panic crossed Aiba’s body. He needed to find Sho. He didn’t want to miss the other one next to him. He wanted to see him now, to talk to him, to tell him that everything is alright. He wanted to overcome his problems again, because he didn’t want to be alone.

He searched for the keys on the drawer to leave the apartment when he saw a small white envelope underneath it. His name was written on the cover. Aiba walked back into the living room and sat on the couch to read the letter.

Dear Masaki,  
I am away for some days. I want you to think about everything properly. Think about what you want, who you want and how we should continue. I want you to be sure about the things you decide.

And I want you to talk to me honestly when I return. No matter if you want to break up or continue our relationship, I want an explanation for everything.

But I recognized it’s senseless to try to make you talk with me. You have to clear up your own thoughts and then we will be able to talk about us.

If you are sure about what you want send me a message.

I just want you to know one thing: I always loved you and I think I still will even if you decide to go your path alone from now on.

Yours

Sho

Everything started spinning around Aiba. Of course Sho already knew that something was off, but he didn’t expect such words. He should think about what he wanted. It was what Aiba wanted to do for weeks, but now he was confused. He felt caught, like someone read his thoughts, even though he didn’t hide that something was off. He felt offended, but he knew he had no right to feel so.

He walked back to the bedroom. Aiba knew he didn’t need to search for Sho now, because he didn’t want to see him. It was impossible to get any sleep for the rest of the night. He rolled around in the bed, thinking about what he wanted. But he didn’t come to a conclusion.

The first ray of sunlight woke Aiba up. He sat up, feeling exhausted but also happy that the night was finally over. He prepared some food, but he couldn’t think of eating right now. Aiba searched for the old diaries he still hid somewhere in boxes. He took the oldest and started reading. He was never someone who wrote diary entries often, but when he started falling for Sho, he had too much to say and everyday there was an entry concerning the other.

It started with short sentences like “He looked at me”. Or “He was so nice today.” Aiba had to smile about that. It was some years ago; he wasn’t a teenager back then, but these words sounded like a 14 year old being in love for the first time.

Actually it was true. It was the first time Aiba really fell in love. The description got more detailed when they started going out together. They weren’t together, but they often met for lunch or for an after work beer. Aiba enjoyed the other one being around him. It made him feel comfortable.

Aiba blushed slightly when he read his entry about the first night they shared with each other. He closed his eyes and thought of the evening back then. The moment was the most intense he ever had, he never felt something like this before. He looked at his diary. The last sentence caught him. He brushed over it with his fingers, repeating it loudly. “No matter what happens, I will always keep him in my heart.”

It was already late in the evening when Aiba was done with reading all the entries he had made. Now he had an idea what was going on with him, and maybe he knew what he had to tell Sho.

But before he would do anything, he wanted to sort his thoughts for a last time. He took his pen and wrote down another short entry into his book.

“It’s time to face the problems” he started writing.

I’ve loved him since the first time I met him years ago. I was chipper and getting on everyone’s nerves, because I wanted him so badly. I never thought that I really would get together with him. So I was like in trance when it worked out. We share so many precious moments together. Love making, funny things but also some fights. But I don’t want to miss one single day. My entries reminded me about everything we experienced together. Things I already forgot about. I was acting harsh and rude, and I know Sho deserves something better. I was confused because of my feelings. I started looking at other men some time ago. I didn’t want him to touch me right now. I hated to talk with him, hated it to even sit at one table.

I thought it’s all because of him, but now I realized why I acted like this. The first overwhelming love turned into everyday life. Maybe we are at the most difficult point right now. The lovey-dovey pink bubble gum burst. I got to know the weak points Sho has and I am not ignoring it anymore like I did before. He wasn’t the perfect man anymore. He also makes mistakes, and sometimes he annoys me. But I think he feels the same sometimes.

The question if I still love him has haunting me for weeks. Now I know it. Yes, I still love him, but I need some time to learn to love him again, because I need to learn to love him with all his mistakes I never saw before.

I can say we passed the first phase of being totally in love, now we have to start the second phase: Accepting the other as he is with every inch of his body.

It’s like a dream I woke up from. But I think it was necessary to keep this relationship going. I was afraid that I didn’t love him, but with reading all the old memories I realized that I share more than love with him. I am not blindly in love anymore. I respect and love him without telling myself that everything is alright.

I needed to find this out for me. I couldn’t talk to him before, but I know I have to learn talking with Sho. He deserves to get explanations.

I am relieved now.

Masaki

Aiba sent Sho a short message and waited till the other arrived at their place. He could see Sho’s sad smile curled around his lips. He was nervous, Aiba saw it immediately. He had no idea how to explain himself. He never was good in talking about his problems so he gave Sho his diary and let him read the last entry he wrote.

It took Sho some time, and Aiba could see him swallow from time to time. When he was done he placed the book on the table and took Aiba’s hand in his without looking up at the other.

Aiba smiled. It was a new path they would walk together now.


End file.
